A work in progress.

I have been a little distant lately. I'm trying to spend less time on cyber world and more time focusing on 'the real world'. This is just a momentary thing though. I've realised there is so much that needs to be done from online work modules to personal goals. And with all the time I spend on facebook, twitter, tumblr and blogger I'm most certainly not going to get ANYTHING completed.

I have also been taking time out to focus a little on myself. Learning to be happy within myself. The thing with me is I'm a ball of stress. I think the possible is impossible and I'm so self conscious of decisions I make. I never just give things ago. I allow my fear of failure, disappointment and criticism take over. This began when I moved out of home in 2007. Because I wanted to be so badly independent and didn't want to rely on my parents anymore. I'm changing the way I think and doing more of what I love like reading, exercising, baking and hanging out with family and friends. I have been depriving myself of these things since I moved to Brisbane.

Time to get organized, get back into my routine and enjoy life's little treasures. I will be back in a week or so. Miss me :)

PS: Hello to my new followers. I have taken the time out to check out your pages, commented and added as well. Promise when I'm back in full action I shall interest you with my blogs.

You know what? It's going to be ok.

As I mentioned in my last blog post my partner was applying for another job in logistics as a store hand. Well, this afternoon he got the call saying his safety questionnaire didn't meet the job requirements. I could tell he was a little down, he put everything into applying for this job. He told me an hour after he got the call the reason  he wanted the job so bad was to get us into the next step together financially. I was a little disappointed as well for the exact same reason. Then I said to him "It's not all bad babe. Look at it this way, you have your license now you could pretty much apply for any warehousing/forkhoist job. One bad day doesn't mean your gonna have a bad life". He replied with "what would I do without you".

We are in a good place where we can pay our bills, board, petrol, lunches each day and all these other little things on the side AND have that little bit extra to play with. We may not have what we did back in New Zealand BUT we will get all that and more. Why? Because I know the strength of me and my partner. We've always worked to get what we wanted. We will work even harder to get even greater things.

In saying all of this, he has been offered another opportunity through his friend for a warehousing job. We will see where this takes him and I will update on this progress. For now though, each day I'm going to love more, live more and laugh more. GOODNIGHT ^_^

No room for bitterness.

I can't exactly say I've been myself lately. Nor do I have the same group of people around me like I did this time last year. I do have a funny way of dealing with things. More so, stress. I shut myself off from EVERYBODY not just one person everybody. I become sharp with my words and I turn into a pink hulk (green just doesn't fascinate me). That's just the way I deal with it, not a very good way I must say. Earlier this year I was under a great amount of stress. I had my plan and things weren't working  out the way I wanted. I shut of from some of my closet's friends. Out of the 4 and can I add these were my best friend's that I considered sisters only one walked away. The one that got away was going through her own things at the time and I feel as though she could have misconstrued the way I was acting towards her as JEALOUSY. It's been a few months now, we still haven't spoken. Sometimes I find myself searching up her facebook page just to ask how she's doing. I haven't had the chance to sit down and really examine how I'm truely feeling. Until TODAY..

Truth is, I'm happy. Not about the end of the friendship. The fact that this made me realize how supportive my best friends are. They knew I was going through things, they didn't care if I shut them off. One of my friends even sent me this:

"Where the f*ck is my bestfriend gone? Can you tell her

that we miss her and when she stops being so f*cking depress

that we're here for her. Thanks, your sincerely, ________"

Hahahaha that is honesty at it's finest. As down as I was that day, I couldn't help burst out with laughter. I thought wow, I haven't spoken to this person in 2-3 weeks and she knew something was up and she didn't take any offense, she was ready to help me. I shed some light of my situation to her and she completely understood. She supported me in the way I was dealing with it and we were able to move past it all. All my best friends are the best, I feel so much more closer to them then ever.

I have nothing but love for my friend that I no longer speak too. We shared some pretty amazing times together and that's what I hold onto. Not one situation that stopped us from talking. If at some point we continue to be friends again "cool" and if we don't then that's "cool" too.

Losing one friend meant I was having a bad day, not a bad life. There are gonna be heaps of people come in and out of my life. It's the ones that stay that truely matter the most.

Change of living situation.

As grateful as I am for my Aunty & Uncle to have take us in when we moved from Auckland to Brisbane Christmas Eve 2011 I cannot wait to move out of this suburb. There is no life here. I've never lived in a place that goes to sleep at 7 pm. It's secluded from life or should I say 'things I'm use to being surrounded around'. You have to travel 15 mins to get in and out of this suburb. It just doesn't fit with my lifestyle.

Another reason is also to get out of this house. Anybody who knows me will know I have a precise way of living. Yes, I'm a tad bit of a diva. Just abit. I value my privacy but I feel like it gets looked upon as me being snobby and a few deeper things that I wish not to say. Just a different kind of energy flow from when I first moved here on Christmas Eve 2011.

Me and My partner have figured now I've got a job and he'll possibly be starting his second we're gonna look at moving elsewhere. For the better I think on both parties. I won't be so frustrated all the time and their be more space for others. All I really want is to be able to create my own environment and not live in others expectations. In saying that our next move could be with my partners cousin if/when he starts his new job. I'm far more comfortable with them and another thing they have the space for us to store our bigger household items for our house. And they live in a town where it's easy to travel in and out of and close to all the necessities I need in my life.

Your home life certainly does play a big part in your attitude and judging by my attitude I'm definitely ready to move on. I'm more clear then ever what I want to achieve out of this move. I've already started on a couple of goals I've set for myself and my partner has too. My plan is to keep moving forward.